This is a lengthy piece and it’ll resonate with you and help you in a big way with boundaries- online coaching covers these topics around healing- here it’s on boundaries and putting yourself first, here it is…
INTRO…
This is an article that I’m just going to post that started as a recording, and basically what I want to do is just go over some some topics, or kind of just free flow — about specific things to do with religion, spirituality, also, you know, personal strength and things like that. So recently, I went on a retreat, and it was to take space and rest and also work through a number of things, connect with some people and learn, learn a lot and get closer to Gd and a better understanding.
YOUR BOUNDARIES…
So what I want to share is just one, one thing that has definitely helped me a lot, but it’s something that I’m consistently reminding myself of, and it has to do with boundaries, and it has to do with standing up for yourself, and it has to do with letting go of connections of yours that might be, might be anything less than respectful, anything less than kind and respectful and fair. And to do it from a space of dignity and respect for yourself and kindness for yourself, and remembering that that’s first. So first and foremost, to remember that that is absolutely a must, to ask yourself what you need in the moment, and ask yourself what you want and what you would like to accomplish, or be able to do that from an honest standpoint, and take the steps necessary to do that, and remember that you have so much value. Remember that you have so much potential, so much value, and you are worthy. And to remember that no matter what…
IF YOU FOCUS ON GIVING TOO MUCH, FINDING BALANCE…
Some of us can be at times focused on other, where you ask yourself, What can I give How can I help someone else? How can I, you know, how can I consistently help someone else, as opposed to helping ourselves first. So this is definitely an area to work with for a lot of people, especially if you’re very empathetic, very sensitive and very kind and very open hearted, where other people sometimes see that falsely as an invitation to take, and that never works, right? And if you have that boundary and you can say no, that’s the first step in taking into.. not into consideration, but really, really getting into the fact that it’s you first. So one thing that I sometimes reflect on is prayer. If we pray for everyone, and many times, and for a long time, for me it was prayer for other people. So I’d wish all others to be free of suffering, to be happy, to be healthy, to, you know, whatever else. Just, just prayers for other people, and at a certain point, I think it was someone who mentioned it, or somewhere that I learned it, I think might have been in a book, and an author said to include yourself in that prayer. INCLUDE YOURSELF?? And it dawned on me in that moment that I was consistently praying for other people, the wellness for other people, you know, health like less suffering or no suffering for others. And eventually I had to stop and say, Wait a minute, so it’s me first. And even that was difficult for me to be able to say, Oh, I’m included in that prayer, I’m included for that wish for well being. I’m included for that wish of no suffering. I’m actually included in it, not only that, but then the next step is to say, well, it’s me first. Then it goes outward.
BUDDHIST TRADITION ASPIRATION…
And there’s an amazing prayer practice in the Buddhist tradition and probably in other traditions as well, where you might know it as meta meditation or loving kindness meditation, where you actually you wish the best for yourself, and you wish no suffering for yourself and happiness for yourself, and you generate that within yourself. And then you, you know, wish it for someone. … it Would be considered a benefactor, someone that you have a good relationship with, and it’s easy to feel those feelings for, and to have that energy with, and then you wish it for someone who’s neutral, which would be someone that you don’t have too close of a relationship with. Maybe it’s someone that you just see you know every so often. And then when it’s strong enough, then you wish it for the difficult people. I’ve heard it referred to as the humdingers, or the really difficult people. I would actually wish the best for the really difficult people who were affecting me the most, without building up the love for myself first. You may resonate with that… Now that that can be for some people, it’s very, very easy, and sometimes it’s even exaggerated, or it’s even extreme, where it’s, you know me first and only me.
SOME TEACHERS ARE GREAT WITH FILLING THEIR OWN CUP FIRST…
But then there’s other people who are just very balanced in that way, and these are people to learn from. There’s many people that that I respect and learn from, where they have that self love first, and they’re able to build something from it. And then when the cup Is filled give from that.
Okay. So to continue the talk, some people who are able to make sure their cup is filled, and then give from that and continue in that way. At certain points, I’ve been able to to harness that and to practice that and but it’s a continuous kind of check and balance system, because I think it can become really easy for you know, again, if you happen to be really empathetic, sensitive, really giving, really wishing the best for other people. It can definitely, without knowing, go into a zone of you just get used to just giving, and to the wrong people… So pull it back, and to come back to yourself and say, Me first, right? I’m going to take care of myself first, and I protect myself, and then as I’m able to give to the people who appreciate it and people who reciprocate, that’s great…So it’s a process of pulling back your own energy and pulling back yourself to the present moment.
My poetry for this: Boundaries along with deep compassion- fill your own cup FIRST and stay tapped in….
..and do the things that you enjoy, and do the things that are necessary for you to be really well and really strong and be that for yourself. And then go from there. And it can be a process of learning and unlearning, because once again, if you do, if you are someone who’s very empathetic and very kind, and I think a lot of this can be from trauma. It’s a trauma response, right? You might hear it as like the fawn response, right? They’ll say, fight, flight, freeze or fawn.. the fawn response can be, oh, I just have to give. Maybe if I’m nice enough, right? Maybe if I’m nice enough, maybe if I’m kind enough, if I give enough, maybe then everything’s good. And That’s not accurate, right? That is not how it is. And if you’re around people who say to you, oh, you need to be more understanding, you have to be more kind. You have to be nicer, right? You have to be more empathetic. Stop listening to those people.
Because if you’re if your mechanism is kind empathetic, you wish the best for other people, and then you you say no, and you say that’s enough, and you have someone say back to you as feedback, you need to be nicer, right? You need to blah, blah, blah. You need nothing of the sort. Let that go. Let that go and pull back into the fact that, no, you don’t need to be more of this or more of that. You need to say, I’m taking I’m doing things that are necessary for myself, and that’s totally fine. And when people say that, Oh, that’s selfish, you stop them in their tracks…And to be able to say that, if you can say that to yourself right now, it will be a breath, a breath of fresh air to say to yourself, I’m taking care of myself, and that is not selfish at all.
And sometimes it is me first and and from there, you might inquire, well, what does that mean, and to be honest about it, and it might be:
WHAT YOU MIGHT TRULY NEED…
I need space from certain people. I need to say no to certain people. I need to be absolutely honest with myself, with Gd, ..need to be kinder to myself. I need to love myself and feel it out for yourself, because it may maybe different. Maybe for you, it’s I need healthy to make healthier choices for food, right? The food choices I make, I just me first means honoring my body, honoring myself and choosing better food me first might, mean turning off electronics and reading some uplifting books.
It might be writing a book. It might be starting your own business. It might be doing something that you absolutely love.
Maybe reading a book, whatever that means for you. And..it’s personal, and no one has to understand it at all. When you say me first, I think the only stipulation would be, what’s good, truly good for you is me first, right? What’s truly good?
You know, me first doesn’t mean doing things that are harmful, of course, but me first means you’re asking yourself, and it’s a personal question, and the answer is personal as well, and it might come from a deeper place within you. It might come from the Most High, the source, however you say it, that’s maybe where the answer comes from. But it starts with realizing that, yes, it’s it’s you first, and you can say it to yourself, me first, then, as I feel stronger, then I’m able to go from there. But this is definitely something for those of us who feel who are very empathetic and very caring and truly wish the best.
If you feel depleted, and people are pulling from you, and you feel like you get strength, then all of a sudden it gets pulled Well, it’s time to really look at that, right and ask yourself, I don’t get it. Where is this? That’s the point to stop at. So we’ll stop there. So say it now…me first, and i do what’s best for myself.
Contact me for Coaching and teaching sessions to learn more and incorporate practices and Nutrition for healing and to strengthen yourself.
Gd bless you, keep praying.
Ryan
RejuvenateThis
